Let's take a look at the new San Marco calendar and see what's going on this month!
Pest exterminations, pest exterminations, and pest exterminations! Every day's a holiday at San Marco!
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Now that we're established here in Miami, the telemarketers have swooped in for the kill. So far I've had pleasant offers to recieve a free cellular phone and the Miami Herald, amongst other things. Then, there's my favorite so far: *RING* Me: Hello? Some Guy: THIS IS THE FLORIDA STATE POLICE DEPARTMENT!!! Me: AAAAH! Police: At this time of year, we feel it's especially important to support our Florida State Troopers, don't you agree? Me: Wait... what? Police: With your donation, you will receive a complimentary decal for your car or house. Now, which would you rather donate, $35, or $25? Me: Uh.. neither. Police: Well with your donation of $10, you will still receive the decal... Me: No thanks. Police: Well, how about five dollars? Me: How about ZERO dollars? Police: Heh, heh.. have a nice day now! (hangs up) Police: Hey Bill, add this number to the list of people who don't get a 911 response. Apparently if I did donate, and got the sticker, no cop in town would dare pull me over. The guy didn't come right out and say that, but he did suggest that it would be a VERY good idea to place the sticker on my rear windshield. Cop in Patrol Car: "Whoah! That nut's goin' at least a hundred! I am going to write him the biggest ticket of his life! Dispatch, put out an A.P.B. on a black Pontiac license number B - 1 - 7 - oh wait, hold on - he's got one of those damn decals we "sell" for $5, no choice but to let him go... I also saw on the news about the verysame Florida State Troopers "cracking down" on speeders at the Turnpike. Now, I'm not making this up: If you speed through a construction zone when workers are present, it doubles the fine. So the cops are DRESSING UP LIKE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS, and when they see a speeder, they radio ahead, trap the poor slob a mile down the road, and fine him until he can't see straight. Somehow, this isn't considered entrapment, and the P.D. reaps in plenty of cash. As if you're not being milked already, since you have to pay a twelve dollar toll to drive on the turnpike from one end of Florida to the other.
Kinch (roommate) also took the cake today, listen to this one. In the mail today, we got one of those Neighborhood Values flyers, the kind that has coupons for all the local businesses. One page was an ad for Little Caesars, the pizza chain which practically disappeared up in Illinois where we came from. So they're offering this great deal - five bucks for a large pizza, which is practically half the price of their competition. So we call up and order one, and add in a couple sets of Crazy Bread, which were also pretty cheap. Caesar doesn't deliver, so Kinch drives over to pick it up. Since they're only a couple blocks away, I expected him back in 10 minutes. HALF AN HOUR LATER, he returns, "There was a long line, dude.", he explains. So I open the bag - breadsticks. And some more breadsticks. No pizza. He went to a pizza place and forgot the God damn pizza. Kinch, what is wrong with you? "I thought that WAS the pizza!" (pointing to a tiny 5 inch box that holds the Crazy Bread.) So with no other recourse, I send him to go back and get the pizza again. HALF AN HOUR LATER, he's back, and actually got the job done right this time...... ....but now I'm not hungry anymore. I ate all the breadsticks while I was waiting for him. |
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