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Much has been said about the influence of video games on kids today. Stemming from the rise of DOOM and Mortal Kombat, video games have been constantly blamed for poor grades, attention deficit disorder, and even school shootings.
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| In Grand Theft Auto 3, friendly pedestrians will give you directions when you are lost. |
The most recent game to cause an uproar is Grand Theft Auto 3, reviewed here. GTA3 is under fire from parents groups and the media for it's mobster-themed gameplay, encouraging gamers to steal cars, accost innocents, and perform a variety of illegal acts. But if you think GTA is the dirtiest, most immoral game around, think again. That game is Paper Mario.
"What? Paper Mario?", you say in a snide tone, "Whatever, I'm leaving this site to go read BBSpot." Well, since I don't want to be responsible for anyone visiting that dump, I'll tell you that I'm serious: Paper Mario is an incredibly corrupt game spewed from the trecherous minds at Nintendo.
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| Just another official blatently demanding his bribe. |
In the world of Paper Mario, there are only two ways to do business: violence and bribery. Mario, on a lark, decides to collect some stars and save his bitch, ..er Princess. Rather than try to solve this problem diplomatically, like our esteemed U.N. Council, he instead goes apeshit with his hammer and slaughters everything in sight. And of course, whenever he can't brawl his way out of a situation, he turns to graft, and pays off whoever stands in his way (see inset). As if this weren't bad enough, Mario is also a thief who steals items right out of people's houses without so much as a 'thank you'.
If you ever wondered why Mario's so violent and corrupt all the time, all I can say is, it's the drugs. On a regular basis, Mario ingests Mushrooms, Flower Petals, 'Pick-me-up' Drinks, and other assorted sundries. He's high as a kite, what other explanation is there? Truth was right all along, one hit of marijuana will ruin you for life. I propose a ban on Mario games before our children all grow up as hoodlums.
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| Your goal in Paper Mario is to collect the 7 Stars of Power, including the Hitler Star, pictured above. |
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I'm sorry to say that Paper Mario is a poor-man's cousin to the classic Super Mario RPG. The story is straightforward with no twists or turns. Graphics and music are unexceptional. Worst of all, the combat gets boring and repetitive after a while, which is the cardinal sin in this type of game.
Since Paper Mario came out late in the N64's lifespan, you can still find it pretty easily at any used games retailer. But since the game isn't very good, why should you have to pay for it? I recommend that you visit IRC and pirate this game, which works quite well with the Project64 emulator. After all, it's what Mario would do.
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The BitRot
Review Scale
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BAD
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