UT2K4: Diary of the UltraNewb
page 3

It's an ambush!! Attack the demon truck!!

Ahh! The monster refuses to fall! The only chance I have is to keep shooting constantly!

What the FUCK!? Who killed me? I was shooting flak shells all around myself, so certainly no enemies could have snuck up on me!

And now I'm back at my base! We must be playing a new game again!

And my plane came back again! I'm sure my teammates won't mind if I take it once more! I've got an important mission!

Now, back at the enemies' base, I'll put my fiendish plan into action!

E. E. E. E. 
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Come on!!

Ahh!! Giant explosion!!

Hey! Why'd the game suddenly end!? And negative 3 points? That's total bullshit! I infiltrated the enemy base AND defeated a demon truck ambush! I should be rolling in points!

All right, fine. Next round, I hope my team doesn't need the plane at all, because that enemy turret will surely be mine to command!!

And so it was to be.

Although UltraNewb never did achieve his dream of manning an enemy turret or defeating the Keg of Health, his spirit and tenacity live on to this day. We should all learn a lesson from his selfless acts, and become better players, even better people, because of it.

And while it bears no repeating, I must yet again make clear: Everything you just saw happened exactly as shown.  I could not possibly make this shit up.

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