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	To Hell with Bunny-Hopping Rocket Whores (FPS = First Person Shooter, for the two of you who didn't know)
	Since the beginning of time, many difficulties have plagued the online FPS player. The terrible curse of lag has affected us all at some point in our lives. Cheaters often ruin a game for everyone else playing. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is always right around the corner. But none of these tragedies match the dire menace of the FPS's most enduring and awful foe - the Bunny-Hopping Rocket Whore. Our story begins in 1993 with the smash hit Doom. Earning legions of fans with its stunning 3D graphics and Satanic gameplay, Doom also introduced the Rocket Launcher to players everywhere. Not only a powerful missile in its own right, the rockets were the only weapon to cause 'splash damage', whereupon hitting a wall nearby a player would still harm the opponent. Luckily, the Rocket Launcher was slow and hard to aim, making it a lesser used weapon in the Doom player's arsenal. Then, regrettably, Quake came into our lives. Quake improved on Doom by being an entirely 3D world, meaning you could jump, have bridges, and look up or down. A liberating experience in gameplay, but a curse as well. Now players could cause splash damage not only off the walls, but by shooting the floor as well. The ability to jump made it even easier to get a good angle, and the high power of the rockets didn't help any either And thus, the dominant tactic of Deathmatch Quake evolved to jumping around like mad while blasting rockets at the enemies' feet. The Bunny-Hopping Rocket Whore was born. A few years later, id Software begat Quake 2. It featured the Railgun, a long-range rifle where accuracy was the key. Of course, players ignored it, since the Rocket Launcher was as powerful as ever. Join any Quake 2 server to watch players leaping about like irritated ballerinas. Unreal made a huge splash with its lush 3D worlds and variety of new dual-mode weapons. Of course, they absolutedy had to throw in a Rocket Launcher. But not just any Rocket Launcher. Oh no, this one had an alternate fire mode that would load up SIX rockets, and fire them all at once in a huge spread pattern. Ammo being plentiful, even untalented newbs could rake in the kills by firing off waves of missiles at random. Even better - by holding the crosshairs on an enemy for a few seconds, the rocket would home in on them. Does it get any more ridiculous than that? Quake 3 is released. Fancy new 3D graphics. The Railgun is a bit toned down from the previous Quake, as is the Shotgun. The Rocket Launcher is as powerful as ever. Since the game is a little faster-paced, it's harder to aim with the accurate weapons, and the splash-damage-causin' Rocket Launcher remains the premiere tactic. Smash TV is a big hit at the arcades. Players shoot away at armies of soldiers, while picking up weapon power-ups to help them along. Of course, only one weapon is powerful enough to kill an entire row of foot soldiers or a Mr. Shrapnel in one hit: The Rocket Launcher, in case you aren't very good as guessing. Time rolls on, and Unreal Tournament 2003 comes out. Fancy new 3D graphics. Amazingly, the Rocket Launcher is not any more powerful than it used to be. On the other hand, players can now double-jump and dodge-jump, meaning they're flitting around in the air like hummingbirds. With double the jumping height as before, Bunny Hopping becomes more prevalent than ever, to the delight of spastic 14 year-olds around the globe. In the Iraq War, it is sadly no different. American troops try to patrol the cities and engage in honest combat. But in the grim warzones, what's becoming a sadly familiar scene is seeing terrorists attack an American convoy with rocket-propelled grenades and then bunny-hopping away to safety. This heinous behavior has no place in organised warfare, and if the U.S. was caught torturing a few prisoners, it's hardly less than they deserve. But maybe there's a better future in store. Although in Unreal Tournament 2004, BHRW's are as plentiful as ever, in the recently released Doom 3, Rockets are once again slow and unwieldly, and narrow corridors prevent spazoids from firing at will. There's also a stamina meter, meaning players cannot run and jump all night long. These 'improvements' give me hope. Maybe, one day, your grandkids will join an FPS server without coming across a room of gun-blazing kangaroos. It's a pipe-dream, I know, but call me a dreamer.

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