Back when Unreal was the hot new game, the Skaarj were the hottest monsters around. Everyone remembers the infamous cut-scene in single player, in which the lights go out and a Skaarj comes out of nowhere and attacks you. If you don't remember, just play Doom 3, because the same thing happens about 9 times per level.
But in the next game in the series, Unreal Tournament, the Skaarj were forgotten about as the creators focused on multiplayer. Same thing in Unreal Tournament 2003. But now, finally, in UT2004, everybody's favorite aliens are back.
Regretably, they look completely ridiculous.
Just look at this unfortunate bastard. A Skaarj should not have a pug nose, much less a silly under-biting mongoloid jaw. You know what that reminds me of?
Yes, Skaarj now resemble a particularly stupid breed of dog. It didn't have to be this way. Rather than shoot them, I keep getting the urge to command them to roll over and play dead.
But how to make the Skaarj cool again? I have a two part plan that could help. Step 1 is definitely get rid of the nose. Just by placing my finger over his unsightly schnozz, the Skaarj instantly becomes twice as intimidating.
For Step 2, consider giving them a new attitude. Ravenous alien murderers was great for the 90's, but doesn't have the same resonance today. I suggest a wisecrackin' urban makeover, much like Thirst, the loveable and irreverant Sprite mascot. Everybody loves Thirst and his crazy antics. For added effect, change all the Skaarj taunt soundbites into delightful rap music.
If that doesn't do it, nothing will. Skaarj for life, yo. Peace out.
