Kingdom Cronos - SLither Movie Review

Slither

2006

Slither was geared to be a huge horror hit! James Gunn was fresh of his success writing the very successful remake to Dawn of The Dead, and his name was hot in the minds of Horrorwood residents. The studio put in a ton of PR loot and hyped the hell out of it. It's release wasn't geared to go up against a plethora of competition at the box office. Although the timing would've been better suited to the Labor Day through Halloween period, it wasn't airing around the doomsday calendar of an Xmas season release. Initial reviews were great, especially amongst critics friendly to the genre. And even the trailer was pretty damn good, and didn't even grossly misrepresent the film as trailer's often do!

But it failed miserably! Only drawing in a little over 3 million bucks during it's run! One of the biggest box office failures of all time! And so undeserving of that stigmata!

Slither is best described simply as a horror fans horror movie! It's an extremly interesting movie considering that it's purposeful intent was to be a homage to certain horror films that Gunn thoroughly enjoyed while growing up (Much like 8- Legged Freaks was several years earlier)... Most notably, "Night Of The Creeps" is probably the most apparent influence, but I also detect a good helping of "The Blob" along with a couple tablespoons of "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers," and even a hint of "Alien" and Cronenberg's "Shivers" in this tasty concoction. It's even set in a typical 80's movie backwater town, complete with a only a sole competent law official amongst a slew of inane deputies. I have seen some claim that this flick is a rip-off of "Night Of The Creeps," a movie I also adore, but that's really unfair since you don't even see the zombifying worms till at least halfway into the flick! Until then, your treated with another not so little nasty!

Despite all these familararities, Slither manages to come across with a refreshing air of originality. The movie is never dull, it knows when to take itself seriously and when not to, and the comedic relief points are used in an appropriate frequency at the appropriate times without going overboard. And the humor employed is an excellent mix of black and slapstick styles.

The movie begins with a nice setup of characterizations of the backwater town where the movie takes place. While you would expect cliche' characters here, your actually treated to these characters posessing realistic complexities akin to living and growing up in a small town. Everyone has quirks you like and dislike. Even the most unlikable character in the movie, The Mayor, has rather likeable moments! And this great set of characterizations play big into making the ending effective.

We are introduced to a not so strong, yet attractive heroine named Starla (Elizabeth Banks) who is married to the area's closet likeness to Daddy Warbucks... Grant (Bill Rooker). Starla is unsure of her love for him at the time, feeling as though she soley married for material reasons. Her husband is actually likeable enough and not the typical overbearing bastard we'd expect nor be used to for a rich guy. Then we meet the local Sheriff Bill Pardy (Played by Firefly's Nathan Fillion) who has the big crush on Starla. These are our major players and we already have a love triangle!

Grant tries to get it on with his wife but she refuses the advances. So grant heads out to the local watering hole... Get's sloshed, and is seduced by the slutty bartender. They head out after the bar closes for a walk in the woods, and BLAM! A meteroite falls to earth almost right in front of them. Grant finds the meteroite first, it opens up, and something shoots into his chest... This can't be good of course... And certainly Grant doesn't look too well since he decides to call it a night and not partake in any nookie in the woods.

"MEAT!"

The following morning Grant is getting weirder as evidenced by a comical scene where he buys "MEAT" from the local grocer. In fact Grant begins to like MEAT so much he begins licking his chops when he sees the neighbor's dog. Starla notices later that Grant is not only acting weird, but that his skin is starting to look all funky in certain places. He lies and tells her he's been to the doctor and it's nothing to worry about. She believes him at that point. Grant also is getting randy again... And while oogling the silhouette of his wife in the shower and obviously thinking of naughty deeds, he suddenly sports perhaps the most gifted boner in all of movies... And I mean ALL OF MOVIES... Jesus F Christ! It's like seeing John Holmes with double vision! And the control! Lucky bastard! But the guy still has a heart, and knows that something is amiss with his sudden mating frenzy. So he runs out and goes over to the slut bartenders place to do the nasty with her. Whatta guy! Amazingly to this point, although it would sound like there is, there's barely any skin in this flick!

Anyhow, both Grant and his slut dissapear, and the cops begin to search for Grant since in his carnal desires, he wasn't slick enough to avoid being noticed slipping into the slut bartender's abode. Bill shows up at the Grant's home and questions Starla, leaves, and almost immediately after he leaves, Grant shows up furious because he thinks Starla has betrayed him to the cops. Not only is he furious... But that funk on his skin is a lot more prominent now! But Bill shows up again before Grant does something naughty to his wife... And Grant slithers away from capture.

"I told you you'd get an STD if you slept with that slut from the bar!"

They have a hard time finding him till they figure out that there's an area where cattle mutilations have been happening. So now the cops know they better call a possee, but still want to keep this business to themselves without any help from the feds or the like. They go on the hunt and it's not too long till they find Grant who is even funkier looking than before. In fact now there's no trace of humanity left save for a bit of resemblence on the face of this new Grant-Thing. They watch Grant-Thing take out a large bovine and decide it's time to make their move. Starla beats them to it though and attempts to talk to Grant-Thing and mellow his ass out. It appears to work until the possee makes itself known and gives Grant-Thing a bad trip! The possee is well armed, but they're not prepared for the gruesome smackdown Grant lays down on one of the possee members with a newly grown appendage, that just happens to slice through flesh and bone like a hot knife through butter.

"GAWD DAMN! That's a huge bitch!"

Everybody freaks out, but they regain their composure and resume the hunt. They follow some signs left by the Grant-Thing through the woods to a barn. They hear some disturbing sounds, and upon entry, find the slut bartender whose put on quite a bit of weight during the last week. Nothing can stop this heifer! Even though she knows she's in a bit of a pickle she still wants to eat! Then suddenly she begins to squirm and squeel and she is eaten away by a huge armada of Grant-Thing's zombifying worm luvchildren that have a strong desire to invade orrifices!

The worms quickly take out a few members of the Possee until only Bill, Starla, and the annoying mayor dude remain. The worms then swarm off towards the town. Suddenly the previously thought dead possee members rise up as zombies and begin talking like Grant-Thing while what's left of the group is strategizing what to do.

"Is that a slinky in your tub or are you just happy to see me?"

I've given away about as much of this movie as I'm gonna... And I made it a point to leave some juicy bits out of what I've covered already! What comes next is a bunch of top of the food chain style carnage between, worms, zombies, breeders, and the Grant-Thing which just keeps getting bigger and funkier; that never lets up until the effective end. You'll have to peep it for yourself for the rest... And I highly recommend that you do!

This is a great horror movie! Never boring! Icky and a good amount of gore, but shy of a gorefest! Not really any skin unless you count naked teenage thighs and stomachs! 3.5 Skulls on this one! If there was at least one pair of bared titties in there, I'd have given it a 4 Skull rating! Hey, gotta respect the bylaws set forth by the Joe Bob Briggster!

It may fall from my top ten list after a long time... But it's always going to have a fond place in my heart for horror, for Slither is one of the best horror flicks of all time! Horror fans (Including myself) have solely themselves to blame for the commercial failure of Slither! Where were we? This film deserved a much better gate! It may now be a while if ever till we see James Gunn associated with a project again besides another Scooby Doo movie. And that'll be a huge shame! Because the guy has GREAT talent and an obvious love for the genre! But careers and franchises have been ressurected by the DVD market. So if you are a true horror fan, do what's right! BUY THE DVD!!!

	Slither 2006 Slither was geared to be a huge horror hit! James Gunn was fresh of his success writing the very successful remake to Dawn of The Dead, and his name was hot in the minds of Horrorwood residents. The studio put in a ton of PR loot and hyped the hell out of it. It's release wasn't geared to go up against a plethora of competition at the box office. Although the timing would've been better suited to the Labor Day through Halloween period, it wasn't airing around the doomsday calendar of an Xmas season release. Initial reviews were great, especially amongst critics friendly to the genre. And even the trailer was pretty damn good, and didn't even grossly misrepresent the film as trailer's often do! But it failed miserably! Only drawing in a little over 3 million bucks during it's run! One of the biggest box office failures of all time! And so undeserving of that stigmata! Slither is best described simply as a horror fans horror movie! It's an extremly interesting movie considering that it's purposeful intent was to be a homage to certain horror films that Gunn thoroughly enjoyed while growing up (Much like 8- Legged Freaks was several years earlier)... Most notably, "Night Of The Creeps" is probably the most apparent influence, but I also detect a good helping of "The Blob" along with a couple tablespoons of "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers," and even a hint of "Alien" and Cronenberg's "Shivers" in this tasty concoction. It's even set in a typical 80's movie backwater town, complete with a only a sole competent law official amongst a slew of inane deputies. I have seen some claim that this flick is a rip-off of "Night Of The Creeps," a movie I also adore, but that's really unfair since you don't even see the zombifying worms till at least halfway into the flick! Until then, your treated with another not so little nasty! Despite all these familararities, Slither manages to come across with a refreshing air of originality. The movie is never dull, it knows when to take itself seriously and when not to, and the comedic relief points are used in an appropriate frequency at the appropriate times without going overboard. And the humor employed is an excellent mix of black and slapstick styles. The movie begins with a nice setup of characterizations of the backwater town where the movie takes place. While you would expect cliche' characters here, your actually treated to these characters posessing realistic complexities akin to living and growing up in a small town. Everyone has quirks you like and dislike. Even the most unlikable character in the movie, The Mayor, has rather likeable moments! And this great set of characterizations play big into making the ending effective. We are introduced to a not so strong, yet attractive heroine named Starla (Elizabeth Banks) who is married to the area's closet likeness to Daddy Warbucks... Grant (Bill Rooker). Starla is unsure of her love for him at the time, feeling as though she soley married for material reasons. Her husband is actually likeable enough and not the typical overbearing bastard we'd expect nor be used to for a rich guy. Then we meet the local Sheriff Bill Pardy (Played by Firefly's Nathan Fillion) who has the big crush on Starla. These are our major players and we already have a love triangle! Grant tries to get it on with his wife but she refuses the advances. So grant heads out to the local watering hole... Get's sloshed, and is seduced by the slutty bartender. They head out after the bar closes for a walk in the woods, and BLAM! A meteroite falls to earth almost right in front of them. Grant finds the meteroite first, it opens up, and something shoots into his chest... This can't be good of course... And certainly Grant doesn't look too well since he decides to call it a night and not partake in any nookie in the woods. "MEAT!" The following morning Grant is getting weirder as evidenced by a comical scene where he buys "MEAT" from the local grocer. In fact Grant begins to like MEAT so much he begins licking his chops when he sees the neighbor's dog. Starla notices later that Grant is not only acting weird, but that his skin is starting to look all funky in certain places. He lies and tells her he's been to the doctor and it's nothing to worry about. She believes him at that point. Grant also is getting randy again... And while oogling the silhouette of his wife in the shower and obviously thinking of naughty deeds, he suddenly sports perhaps the most gifted boner in all of movies... And I mean ALL OF MOVIES... Jesus F Christ! It's like seeing John Holmes with double vision! And the control! Lucky bastard! But the guy still has a heart, and knows that something is amiss with his sudden mating frenzy. So he runs out and goes over to the slut bartenders place to do the nasty with her. Whatta guy! Amazingly to this point, although it would sound like there is, there's barely any skin in this flick! Anyhow, both Grant and his slut dissapear, and the cops begin to search for Grant since in his carnal desires, he wasn't slick enough to avoid being noticed slipping into the slut bartender's abode. Bill shows up at the Grant's home and questions Starla, leaves, and almost immediately after he leaves, Grant shows up furious because he thinks Starla has betrayed him to the cops. Not only is he furious... But that funk on his skin is a lot more prominent now! But Bill shows up again before Grant does something naughty to his wife... And Grant slithers away from capture. "I told you you'd get an STD if you slept with that slut from the bar!" They have a hard time finding him till they figure out that there's an area where cattle mutilations have been happening. So now the cops know they better call a possee, but still want to keep this business to themselves without any help from the feds or the like. They go on the hunt and it's not too long till they find Grant who is even funkier looking than before. In fact now there's no trace of humanity left save for a bit of resemblence on the face of this new Grant-Thing. They watch Grant-Thing take out a large bovine and decide it's time to make their move. Starla beats them to it though and attempts to talk to Grant-Thing and mellow his ass out. It appears to work until the possee makes itself known and gives Grant-Thing a bad trip! The possee is well armed, but they're not prepared for the gruesome smackdown Grant lays down on one of the possee members with a newly grown appendage, that just happens to slice through flesh and bone like a hot knife through butter. "GAWD DAMN! That's a huge bitch!" Everybody freaks out, but they regain their composure and resume the hunt. They follow some signs left by the Grant-Thing through the woods to a barn. They hear some disturbing sounds, and upon entry, find the slut bartender whose put on quite a bit of weight during the last week. Nothing can stop this heifer! Even though she knows she's in a bit of a pickle she still wants to eat! Then suddenly she begins to squirm and squeel and she is eaten away by a huge armada of Grant-Thing's zombifying worm luvchildren that have a strong desire to invade orrifices! The worms quickly take out a few members of the Possee until only Bill, Starla, and the annoying mayor dude remain. The worms then swarm off towards the town. Suddenly the previously thought dead possee members rise up as zombies and begin talking like Grant-Thing while what's left of the group is strategizing what to do. "Is that a slinky in your tub or are you just happy to see me?" I've given away about as much of this movie as I'm gonna... And I made it a point to leave some juicy bits out of what I've covered already! What comes next is a bunch of top of the food chain style carnage between, worms, zombies, breeders, and the Grant-Thing which just keeps getting bigger and funkier; that never lets up until the effective end. You'll have to peep it for yourself for the rest... And I highly recommend that you do! This is a great horror movie! Never boring! Icky and a good amount of gore, but shy of a gorefest! Not really any skin unless you count naked teenage thighs and stomachs! 3.5 Skulls on this one! If there was at least one pair of bared titties in there, I'd have given it a 4 Skull rating! Hey, gotta respect the bylaws set forth by the Joe Bob Briggster! It may fall from my top ten list after a long time... But it's always going to have a fond place in my heart for horror, for Slither is one of the best horror flicks of all time! Horror fans (Including myself) have solely themselves to blame for the commercial failure of Slither! Where were we? This film deserved a much better gate! It may now be a while if ever till we see James Gunn associated with a project again besides another Scooby Doo movie. And that'll be a huge shame! Because the guy has GREAT talent and an obvious love for the genre! But careers and franchises have been ressurected by the DVD market. So if you are a true horror fan, do what's right! BUY THE DVD!!!
DIRECTOR James Gunn
WRITER James Gunn
CAST Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, Michael Rooker, Gregg Henry, Jenna Fischer
GORE
SKIN
MOVIE