Kingdom Cronos - Tombs Of The Blind Dead Movie Review

Tombs Of The Blind Dead

1971

It was once told to me that if Italian Horror had a bastard cousin... Then it is the genre of Spanish Horror!

And how right that was!

Tombs Of The Blind Dead was one of my first introductions to Spanish Horror... Actually the very first was the very enjoyable and star ladden Horror Express (Smooth as a baby's bottom)... But consider that to be a unique quirk!

The Blind Dead movies are rather legendary in Spain and have obtained a small cult following elsewhere rather recently. They have spawned four seperate movies thus far... People differintiate usually between this one and the second one to be the best of the lot. But that ain't saying much! For not only are these films subpar efforts at best, but annoyingly Blind Dead 2 & 4 seem to be freakin' remakes of eachother. Hmmm... The director here must've taken a page out of Raimi's unwritten book, "How To Become A Multi-Millionaire By Beating The Evil Dead To Death."

Anyhow... Oh yeah the movie! The premise is interesting at first... Some naughty ole' Templar Knights are in the midst of torturing a young nubile sacrifice... They ravish her boobies with a little swordplay, then some good guys show up and burn out their eyes or have birds pluck them out ala The Omen... Thus why they are, THE BLIND DEAD!

Flash forward a few centuries and we are introduced to a couple of hot chicks (In a 70's kinda way) whom are old boarding school friends (Back in the good ole' experimental rugmunching days), that meet by chance at some resort pool. One is running a mannequin business next to a morgue, the other has a man interest who just wants to be friends. This non-boyfriend shows up because him and his chick buddy have a camping trip planned, and non boyfriend invites the mannequin maker along telling her to bring a date, The doomed to friendship only chick (Who is actually hotter IMO), get's pissed off when her lesbian mentor shows up without a date which in turn triggers a flashback of their mutal college experimental beaver wrestling days back at the boarding school.

Then she jumps of the train (Looked like a damn nice memory to me), when she sees some old ruins... And heads towards it. She explores around, which gives us a good idea of the layout of the joint. Then finds a place to call it a night... Giving us some nice skin shots while she listens to jazz on her transittor radio. Hey... So far so good on the skin situation! Especially for a flick from this period!

As our nubile and neglected hottie settles in... Weird things are beginning to take shape outside. The Blind Dead emerge from their graves...

Now the not so famous Templar Knights actually look pretty good in their undead form, definitely much more pallatable on the eye than their former days when they were greasy, fat, sado-lechers with brillo pads for beards!

But they are basically skeletons draped in old dusty and decaying robes, whom also are adept equestrians. In fact they are so adept... You'll think it's kinda cool at first... But then after they play the same damn Templar zombies riding bareback scene over and over again ... You'll probably begin to feel sick and want to scream just like Alex did in A Clockwork Orange during his conversion scene in the movie theatre.

The Blind Dead we learn hate Jazz. So the nubile hottie hears some noise finally, looks out the window. And low and behold.... Zombies! What follows is actually credit to this movie! The nubile hottie is doomed... But she doesn't go out the typical f*cktarded way that most chicks do in horror films.

The next third of the movie is a lamefest of filler. The nubile hotties body is found outside the ruins at the traintracks with a bunch of bite marks from the undead sado-lechers. Then the non-boyfriend and lesbian mentor finally seem to give a shit and go exploring the ruins. Cops get involved to give away some more plot and backstory. Nubile hottie returns from the dead at the morgue down the street from her lesbian mentors and seeks revenge. There's even a mad professor in this one that strangely resembles Saddam Hussein having a good trip on some LSD.

The final section of the movie features a return to the ruins, and we are introduced to yet another 70's spanish hottie. carnage breaks out, we learn that the dead hunt by sound so if your quiet they have a hard time finding you but we find this only really works if your dead (Via a nice twist), and we are treated to several repeat shots from earlier. The end!

In conclussion... Not a bad movie for a bad movie! I give it a solid two skulls which by Spanish Horror terms is basically the equivalent of an Oscar awards sweep!

By far the best of the lot of the Blind Dead movies and one of the few decent Spanish Horror titles. The other offerings from the Blind Dead franchise really aren't worth a look IMO unless your a hardcore completionist! But this first entry is.

Starts out great, gets silly in the middle (But not a complete borefest), ends rather good with a nice twist and some gore. But there is much more skin than gore in thsi flick, although the Blind Dead do have a certifiable creepy effect to them, even today! If your a BIG horror fan who hasn't seen this one yet.... It's probaly worth a peek! Just steer clear from the uber expensive boxed DVD set. Unless your easilly amused by things such as playing with lint, you'll find it a BIG waste of greenbacks!

	Tombs Of The Blind Dead 1971 It was once told to me that if Italian Horror had a bastard cousin... Then it is the genre of Spanish Horror! And how right that was! Tombs Of The Blind Dead was one of my first introductions to Spanish Horror... Actually the very first was the very enjoyable and star ladden Horror Express (Smooth as a baby's bottom)... But consider that to be a unique quirk! The Blind Dead movies are rather legendary in Spain and have obtained a small cult following elsewhere rather recently. They have spawned four seperate movies thus far... People differintiate usually between this one and the second one to be the best of the lot. But that ain't saying much! For not only are these films subpar efforts at best, but annoyingly Blind Dead 2 & 4 seem to be freakin' remakes of eachother. Hmmm... The director here must've taken a page out of Raimi's unwritten book, "How To Become A Multi-Millionaire By Beating The Evil Dead To Death." Anyhow... Oh yeah the movie! The premise is interesting at first... Some naughty ole' Templar Knights are in the midst of torturing a young nubile sacrifice... They ravish her boobies with a little swordplay, then some good guys show up and burn out their eyes or have birds pluck them out ala The Omen... Thus why they are, THE BLIND DEAD! Flash forward a few centuries and we are introduced to a couple of hot chicks (In a 70's kinda way) whom are old boarding school friends (Back in the good ole' experimental rugmunching days), that meet by chance at some resort pool. One is running a mannequin business next to a morgue, the other has a man interest who just wants to be friends. This non-boyfriend shows up because him and his chick buddy have a camping trip planned, and non boyfriend invites the mannequin maker along telling her to bring a date, The doomed to friendship only chick (Who is actually hotter IMO), get's pissed off when her lesbian mentor shows up without a date which in turn triggers a flashback of their mutal college experimental beaver wrestling days back at the boarding school. Then she jumps of the train (Looked like a damn nice memory to me), when she sees some old ruins... And heads towards it. She explores around, which gives us a good idea of the layout of the joint. Then finds a place to call it a night... Giving us some nice skin shots while she listens to jazz on her transittor radio. Hey... So far so good on the skin situation! Especially for a flick from this period! As our nubile and neglected hottie settles in... Weird things are beginning to take shape outside. The Blind Dead emerge from their graves... Now the not so famous Templar Knights actually look pretty good in their undead form, definitely much more pallatable on the eye than their former days when they were greasy, fat, sado-lechers with brillo pads for beards! But they are basically skeletons draped in old dusty and decaying robes, whom also are adept equestrians. In fact they are so adept... You'll think it's kinda cool at first... But then after they play the same damn Templar zombies riding bareback scene over and over again ... You'll probably begin to feel sick and want to scream just like Alex did in A Clockwork Orange during his conversion scene in the movie theatre. The Blind Dead we learn hate Jazz. So the nubile hottie hears some noise finally, looks out the window. And low and behold.... Zombies! What follows is actually credit to this movie! The nubile hottie is doomed... But she doesn't go out the typical f*cktarded way that most chicks do in horror films. The next third of the movie is a lamefest of filler. The nubile hotties body is found outside the ruins at the traintracks with a bunch of bite marks from the undead sado-lechers. Then the non-boyfriend and lesbian mentor finally seem to give a shit and go exploring the ruins. Cops get involved to give away some more plot and backstory. Nubile hottie returns from the dead at the morgue down the street from her lesbian mentors and seeks revenge. There's even a mad professor in this one that strangely resembles Saddam Hussein having a good trip on some LSD. The final section of the movie features a return to the ruins, and we are introduced to yet another 70's spanish hottie. carnage breaks out, we learn that the dead hunt by sound so if your quiet they have a hard time finding you but we find this only really works if your dead (Via a nice twist), and we are treated to several repeat shots from earlier. The end! In conclussion... Not a bad movie for a bad movie! I give it a solid two skulls which by Spanish Horror terms is basically the equivalent of an Oscar awards sweep! By far the best of the lot of the Blind Dead movies and one of the few decent Spanish Horror titles. The other offerings from the Blind Dead franchise really aren't worth a look IMO unless your a hardcore completionist! But this first entry is. Starts out great, gets silly in the middle (But not a complete borefest), ends rather good with a nice twist and some gore. But there is much more skin than gore in thsi flick, although the Blind Dead do have a certifiable creepy effect to them, even today! If your a BIG horror fan who hasn't seen this one yet.... It's probaly worth a peek! Just steer clear from the uber expensive boxed DVD set. Unless your easilly amused by things such as playing with lint, you'll find it a BIG waste of greenbacks!
DIRECTOR Amando de Ossorio
CAST Lone Fleming, Cesar Burner, Maria Elena Arpon, Joseph Thelman en Rufino Ingles
GORE
SKIN
MOVIE